Meaningful Silence

The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. It’s life's cruelest irony. Douglas Couplan

     Being alone will cause you to do things or spend time with people who add nothing to your life or serve any real purpose. Loneliness has led me down some unsavory paths seeking companionship. Avoiding spending time alone has led me on a search for what was really inside of me all along, peace. Meeting different people, only to realize they have nothing in common with me, no relevant conversation to engage in and nothing interesting about themselves worth inquiring about, has taught me a lot. 

     First, I’m learning that it’s rude and selfish to to use someone and waste their time simply because I do not want to be alone. Taking advantage of someone’s interest in me by spending time with them when I’m not truly enjoying the occasion is self-centered. I have done it more times than I’m proud to admit, and maybe I’m not the only person so afraid to be alone that I’d use someone’s time as filler for my own issues. Afraid to face my shortcomings and unwilling to be honest with myself has led me to seek out others to avoid the voice of my conscience. 

     Secondly, I’m believing the lyric from the SZA song Drew Barrymore “I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth” more and more each day. Loneliness will have you scrolling through your phone, texting people you know you shouldn’t and calling people you have no sincere interest in simply to avoid being alone. Loneliness will push you to desperation sometimes, scrolling through social media, handing out double taps, heart eyed-emojis, and comments hoping the poster slides in your DMs or inbox, wanting to “hang out”. Sometimes you keep the fish, sometimes you throw it back. Most times, after I spend time with someone I really did not want to be with, I feel even more alone than before. 

     The third thing that being alone has taught me is how important and precious time is actually. We spend each hour and minute of the day doing something, communicating and working, planning and executing, sometimes we deserve to enjoy solitude and silence. We need time alone to focus on building ourselves up, improving our self-esteem, recognizing our self-worth and loving ourselves. Constantly filling the time with empty interactions works against us in the grand scheme of things. 

     I  recently ran across a quote that said “loneliness is the universes‘s way of teaching you what you can live without.”  I am learning more each day that I can live without constant company or entertainment.  I can live without nonstop communication. Most importantly, I am learning to embrace this period of solitude I’m experiencing. Enjoying and ensuring that I spend time alone has become a priority for me lately. I need time alone, I crave it even. I have had time to set goals, read and research things, and simply relax during my alone time. 

     The idea for creating a blog and writing about my feelings and experiences came from spending time with myself. I used to view being alone as such a negative, sad thing, but when done soundly and in moderation and within healthy limits, quiet/alone time is the best part of the day.  Each day I’m learning that I’m no longer experiencing loneliness; I’m living in a current state of solitude and I LOVE IT!

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